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Last year I was hurt by a close friend,
and my reaction was to cause hurt in return. Actually, it may have been the
other way around. The entire incident was so passive and internal that it’s
hard to say how it all started.
Either way, it resulted in sulks,
resentment, licking of wounds, and finally, grudging apologies. We’ve been
on relationship probation ever since. When we see each other out in public,
we smile and try too hard—neither one admitting our resentment. Feeling
like I was owed something, I never made an attempt to mend our
relationship. Why should I give in first? After all, it would be foolish to
make myself vulnerable to that person.
But the last time I checked, Jesus
doesn’t bless the ones who hold out the longest for an apology. In my reading
of Matthew, I found quite the opposite: He blesses the peacemakers. And in
the Sermon on the Mount, He shows us exactly what peacemaking entails:
“If you are offering your gift at the
altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave
your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your
brother, and then come and offer your gift” (Matt 5:23–24).
Jesus doesn’t say “go and ask for an
apology,” “go and make excuses for your behavior,” or even “go and tell
your side of the story.” He says go and be reconciled.
Jesus goes on to explain what a response
to being wronged looks like:
“But if anyone slaps you on the right
cheek, turn to him the other also. And if anyone would sue you and take
your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. And if anyone forces you to go
one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who begs from you, and do
not refuse the one who would borrow from you” (Matt 5:38–42).
He uses examples of some very public
wrongs—a slap across the cheek and a lawsuit.
It’s often harder to back down if it
means losing face. I don’t swallow my pride easily, and I know exactly what
I would do if I were literally slapped across the face: I’d turn the other
cheek with such an exaggerated, provoking attitude that I would deserve
that follow-up slap.
Jesus is describing a much more humble
attitude—one that perhaps includes a tacit recognition of the other
person’s hurt or anger.
His words within the Lord’s Prayer are a
reminder of why we should forgive: “And forgive us our debts, as we also
have forgiven our debtors” (Matt 6:12).
Forgiveness isn’t grudging or
passive—it’s actively showing acceptance. And it’s not contingent on
whether I feel the other person is deserving of that forgiveness. It’s in
response to the unbelievable and undeserved forgiveness that Christ offers
me.
{Biblical references are taken from the
English Standard Version (ESV)}.
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