Negative Thoughts!This Could Help(2)

Hello There!

I shared a part of the article "Negative Thoughts!This Could Help" yesterday  and I am going to share the last part today.

Please read and digest .It will help in your everyday activity and life generally.Drop your comments.

2.   Stop over-generalizing the negative.

Ask yourself: “If something negative unexpectedly happens, do I over-generalize it?  Do I view it as applying to everything and being permanent rather than compartmentalizing it to one place and time?”

For example, if someone turns you down for a date, do you spread the negativity beyond that person, time, and place by telling yourself: “Relationships never work out for me, ever”?  If you fail an exam do you say to yourself, “Well, I failed that exam; I’m not happy about it, but I’ll study harder next time”?  Or do you over-generalize it by telling yourself you’re “not smart enough” or “incapable of learning”?

And this leads in perfectly to the next point…

3.   Stop minimizing the positive.

Negative thinking stops us from seeing and experiencing positive outcomes, even when they happen often.  It’s as if there’s a special mental screen filtering out all the positives and only letting in data that confirms the ‘negative bias.’  Magnifying setbacks and minimizing successes leads to de-motivation and misery in the long run.  Know this.

Get into the habit of seeing setbacks as temporary and specific learning experiences rather than as permanent and pervasive misfortunes.  We all tend to find what we look for in life.  If you find yourself thinking negatively about a person, for instance, get into the habit of balancing it out with one positive thought about them: “She’s so selfish… Mind you, to be fair, she was helpful when my car broke down last year… and she does have a good sense of humor…”  The positive is always there somewhere, but you have to search for it.  

4.  Stop looking for negative signs from others.

Too often we jump to conclusions, only to cause ourselves and others unnecessary frustration, hurt and anger.  If someone says one thing, don’t assume they mean something else.  If they say nothing at all, don’t assume their silence has some hidden, negative connotation.

Thinking negatively will inevitably lead you to interpret everything another person does as being negative, especially when you are uncertain about what the other person is thinking.  For instance, “He hasn’t called, so he must not want to talk to me,” or, “She only said that to be nice, but she doesn’t really mean it.”

Assigning meaning to a situation before you have the whole story makes you more likely to believe that the uncertainty you feel (based on lack of knowing) is a negative sign.  On the flip side, holding off on assigning meaning to an incomplete story is essential to overcoming negative thinking.  When you think more positively, or simply more clearly about the facts, you’ll be able to evaluate all possible reasons you can think of, not just the negative ones.  In other words, you’ll be doing more of:  “I don’t know why he hasn’t called, but maybe…”

• “…he’s extremely busy at work.”
• “…his phone has a poor signal in the office building.”
• “…he’s simply waiting for me to call him.”
• etc.

You get the get the idea.  None of these circumstances are negative and all are as plausible as any other possible explanation.

Next time you feel uncertain and insecure, and you catch yourself stressing about a problem that doesn’t exist, stop yourself and take a deep breath.  Then tell yourself, “This problem I’m concerned with only exists in my mind.”  Being able to distinguish between what you imagine and what is actually happening in your life is an important step towards living a positive life.

5.  Stop making unreasonable rules and expectations.

You must deal with the world the way it is, not the way you expect it to be.  Life is under no obligation to give you exactly what you expect.  In fact, whatever it is you’re seeking will rarely ever come in the form you’re expecting, but that doesn’t make it any less wonderful.

Stop forcing your own misconstrued expectations and rules on life…

• “He was late, so he must not care about me.” – Or perhaps he just got caught in traffic.
• “If I can’t do this correctly, then I must not be smart enough.” – Or perhaps you just need more practice.
• “I haven’t heard back from my doctor, so the test results must be bad.” – Or perhaps the lab is just really busy and your results aren’t available yet.
• etc.

Inventing rules like these about how life must be, based on your own stubborn expectations, is a great way to keep your mind stuck in the gutter.  This isn’t to say that you should never expect anything at all from yourself and others (diligence, honesty, determination, etc.), but rather that the rules that govern your expectations should not steer you toward unreasonably negative conclusions.

If you feel dissatisfied or let down by an outcome, then you must have been expecting something different.  Rather than get upset, ask yourself, “Were my expectations too narrow?” and “What new truths have I learned?”

The bottom line is that you must see and accept things as they are instead of as you hoped, wished, or expected them to be.  Just because it didn’t turn out like you had envisioned, doesn’t mean it isn’t exactly what you need to get to where you ultimately want to go.

Afterthoughts!

There’s a quote I’ve always loved that’s often credited to Ignatius: “Pray as if God will take care of all; act as if all is up to you.”

That’s a strong way to live.  It’s about using your faith to fuel positive thinking and positive action, every single day.

This is what I wish for myself.  And this is what I wish for you.

Let’s choose positivity today.  Together. 

Your turn…

Which point above resonates with you the most?  What else helps you stay positive and motivated in the face of this negativity?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.

Credit:Marc And Angel