For Conflict Resolution, Switch Your Focus

Hello there,  Sequel to this  teachings on forgiveness,please take your time to read this great excerpt.

“Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.” (Philippians 2:4-5 NLT, second edition) When you meet someone to resolve a conflict, you first have to confess your part of the problem. Then, you need to listen for the other person’s hurt and perspective. We think we argue over ideas. But we actually argue over emotion. Any time there’s a conflict, somebody got his feelings hurt. Somebody felt abused. Somebody felt slighted. It’s not the ideas that cause the conflict. It’s the emotion behind the idea. Hurt people hurt people. The more people are hurting, the more they lash out at everybody else. People who aren’t hurting don’t hurt others. People who are filled with love are loving toward others. People who are filled with joy are joyful to others. People who are filled with peace are at peace with everybody else. But people who are hurting inside are going to hurt others. They’re going to lash out. If you want to connect with people, you must start with their needs, their hurts, and their interests. If you want to be a good salesman, you don’t start with your product. You start with your customer’s need, hurts, and interests. If you want to be a good professor or pastor or anything else, you start with people’s needs, hurts, and interests. Philippians 2:4-5 says, “Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had” (NLT, second edition). Are you often so busy trying to get the people you’re in conflict with to see your position that you’re not listening to theirs? You’re too busy speaking and not listening and, as a result, you move further and further away. You need to intentionally switch your focus from your needs to their needs. Conflict resolution starts with the way you look at the situation. The word “look” in Philippians 2:4 is the Greek word “scopos.” It’s where we get the words “microscope” and “telescope.” “Scopos” means to focus. The next verse says your attitude should be the same as that of Jesus Christ. You are most like Jesus when you’re focusing on the hurts of somebody else rather than your own. There’s an old Chinese proverb that says, “Seek to understand before seeking to be understood.” When you’re focused on the other person’s needs and not your own, you’ll be able to get a better understanding of the situation and move forward with resolving your conflict. Action Points ·         How did Jesus set an example for us for how to look out for others’ interests? ·         What are some ways that you can practice showing concern for others’ needs? ·         How do you need to prepare yourself before you go into conflict resolution so that you are prepared to listen and focus on the other person? Credit:Pastor Rick Warren

HOLDING ON TO FORGIVENESS IS KEY

Hello dear readers, This is a wonderful write-up i considered sharing with,it gives emphasis on why forgiveness is key in every relationship you find your self in.God wants us to have the ability to forgive,endure hurts even as Jesus did to all of us. "But the last time I checked, Jesus doesn’t bless the ones who hold out the longest for an apology.In my reading of Matthew, I found quite the opposite: He blesses the peacemakers" Last year I was hurt by a close friend, and my reaction was to cause hurt in return. Actually, it may have been the other way around. The entire incident was so passive and internal that it’s hard to say how it all started. Either way, it resulted in sulks, resentment, licking of wounds, and finally, grudging apologies. We’ve been on relationship probation ever since. When we see each other out in public, we smile and try too hard—neither one admitting our resentment. Feeling like I was owed something, I never made an attempt to mend our relationship. Why should I give in first? After all, it would be foolish to make myself vulnerable to that person. But the last time I checked, Jesus doesn’t bless the ones who hold out the longest for an apology. In my reading of Matthew, I found quite the opposite: He blesses the peacemakers. And in the Sermon on the Mount, He shows us exactly what peacemaking entails: “If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift” (Matt 5:23–24). Jesus doesn’t say “go and ask for an apology,” “go and make excuses for your behavior,” or even “go and tell your side of the story.” He says go and be reconciled. Jesus goes on to explain what a response to being wronged looks like: “But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you” (Matt 5:38–42). He uses examples of some very public wrongs—a slap across the cheek and a lawsuit. It’s often harder to back down if it means losing face. I don’t swallow my pride easily, and I know exactly what I would do if I were literally slapped across the face: I’d turn the other cheek with such an exaggerated, provoking attitude that I would deserve that follow-up slap. Jesus is describing a much more humble attitude—one that perhaps includes a tacit recognition of the other person’s hurt or anger. His words within the Lord’s Prayer are a reminder of why we should forgive: “And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” (Matt 6:12). Forgiveness isn’t grudging or passive—it’s actively showing acceptance. And it’s not contingent on whether I feel the other person is deserving of that forgiveness. It’s in response to the unbelievable and undeserved forgiveness that Christ offers me. {Biblical references are taken from the English Standard Version (ESV)}.  Credit: Jessi Gering